By conservative estimates, there are 4,783,512 things more enjoyable to do with the lights out than watch Alone in the Dark.

Alone in the Dark begins with a rambling explanation about an ancient civilization, the Abkani, who opened the portal between darkness and light and didn't live to regret it.

Professor Hudgens (Mathew Walker), who obviously doesn't teach history because he hasn't learned from the past, is obsessed with reconnecting with that darkness by using Abkani artifacts. Edward Carnby (Christian Slater) is a freelance paranormal investigator who once worked for the top-secret Bureau 713.

Edward grew up in an orphanage and has a gap in his memory that drives him to leave his spacious but cluttered warehouse loft apartment on international adventures. He returns from one trip and, after disposing of a Terminator-like killer, reunites with his miffed lover, museum-curator babe Aline Cedrac (Tara Reid). Edward, Aline and Edward's Bureau 713 nemesis Burke (Stephen Dorff) end up battling Edward's fellow orphanage alumni, Hudgens and a host of lizardlike creatures that rip off Alien and all its imitators. It's a fight to the finish as the actors try to see who can give the most wooden performance.