Movie Review: 'Star Wars - Attack of the Clones'
Is Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones better than The Phantom Menace? Is annoying Jar Jar back? Is Anakin Darth Vader yet? Does it look really awesome? Does Yoda really kick butt?
All the questions are answered now and devoted fans will be packing the Internet with ardent pro and con reactions. Hayden Christensen just admits he felt pretty strange trying on Darth's big helmet on his first trip to Skywalker ranch. It just didn't go with his gray jogging suit and Natalie Portman complains that all her buddies got cool light sabers while she ended up with "an oversized hairdryer" for a weapon.
This is pretty complicated but here goes: The Republic is in trouble. A separatist movement threatens Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) former queen now key senator. Separatists try to assassinate her so the Republic Jedi Council sends Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his young protégé, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) to protect her.
When there is another attempt against Padme, Obi-Wan takes off to "the outer rim" to find out the real source of all this evil plotting while Anakin goes to Naboo to protect Padme and express his love for her. Obi-Wan tracks Jango Fett (Temeura Morrison) the bounty hunter behind the assassination attempts, to a storm planet where he discovers a huge army of Fett clones ordered on the Republic's behalf at least 10 years before by a mystery Jedi. Padme and Anakin detour to Tatooine to help out his mom and the experience results in the first time in the film that we hear the evil "Darth Vader" theme ('nuf said or I spoil it).
In the Jedi council, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) gathers power as Yoda (Frank Oz) and Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) act as advisors. It's discovered that the separatist movement is led by powerful Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), once a proud Jedi who can shoot that blue lightning from his hands just like the Emperor in Return of the Jedi. He and Yoda have a cool battle at one point but Obi-Wan, Padme and Anakin are finally captured by Dooku who places them, gladiator-style, into a huge arena where they have to cleverly battle with a bunch of really fun CGI critters. All the action results in a big rescue attempt by more Jedi Knights than we've ever seen before in one place...plus some of the clone army. It's clear that this is just the first battle in the clone wars and the dark side has more in store. Anakin is injured but he's still Padme's main man.
Holy, Jumpin' melodrama! This film looks awesome although it's got kind of an "everything and the kitchen sink" feeling in most of the huge action sequences. Could George Lucas possibly stuff anything else into one frame?
As a huge fan of the original Star Wars trilogy, I really wanted to LOVE this film but, for the most part, it just reminded me of what has been lost in all the expository political intrigue. Lucas would do well to team up with a writer of less-stilted, formal or less just plain melodramatic dialogue. Where is the witty, quotable dialogue; the spunk of Princess Leia's "Into the garbage chute, flyboy!"? Or just the magic of simple lines like: Leia: "I love you." Han: "I know." Instead we get stuff something like "Sand is rough and you are soft and smooth" from Anakin or "I am haunted by the kiss you should not have given to me." Then there's that obligatory fireplace love scene. Tip to girls trying to gently tell a guy they can't have a romance with him. Do not wear a revealing dress that advertises what the poor guy can't have!!
Acting was just plain flat most of the time, as if everyone wasn't inspired by emoting against all that non-existent blue screen stuff. Even the love scenes don't have the fire we would expect. Could be the direction but Portman's lines are delivered like she's reading her grocery list. Ewan McGregor comes closest to a good performance but he doesn't have too much to work with. Only when Anakin faces the fact that he has gotten out of control and wiped out women and children do we really "feel" for a character in the film. The humor attempts by C-3PO and R2 were certainly funnier than the last film's Jar Jar banter but were still not a laugh riot.
There were some very cool little moments. I did like Obi Wan using Jedi mind control to convince a young drug pusher that he just didn't need his wares, and the Yoda fight scene is both funny and produces a great rooting interest. As one audience member said on exiting the theater "Whoa, Yoga got jiggy wid it!" I'd kill for some of Amidala's costumes, I loved the elegant, super thin and tall aliens who cloned the army. Are they related to those aliens at the end of A.I? The seeds are certainly planted for the evil that will claim young Anakin in the next episode but I'd recommend that George hire Spielberg to handle the "people" scenes next time and stick to the action and, please, let's get some believable dialogue that we can come out quoting next time. It's the army that's supposed to be mindless clones, not the actors.
Despite flaws, for spectacle extraordinaire 3.5 out of 5 stars.
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Lynn Barker is a Hollywood-based entertainment journalist and produced screenwriter.
